Overcoming Fear

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined… he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions. It has a very strong effect on your mind and body.

It’s a human response that is vital for our survival. It helps us respond to emergencies or dangerous situations; for example, if there is a fire or we’re being attacked. It can also occur in more everyday, non-life-threatening events like exams, public speaking, a job interview, a date, or even a party. It’s a natural reaction to events that put you under pressure.

Anxiety is a word we use for fears about the threat of something going wrong in the future, rather than right now.

Anxiety can last for a short time and then pass when whatever was causing you worry is over, but it can also last much longer and disrupt your life. Ongoing anxiety can affect your ability to eat, sleep, or concentrate. It can prevent you from enjoying life, travelling, or even leaving the house to go to work or school.

When anxiety holds you back from doing the things you want or need to do, it can also affect your health. Some people become overwhelmed by fear and want to avoid situations that might make them frightened or anxious. It can be hard to break this cycle, but there are lots of ways to do it. You can learn to feel less fearful and to cope with anxiety so that it doesn’t stop you from living.

Knowing what makes you afraid and why can be the first step to overcoming anxiety.

Exercise 1:

Let’s assume you have clarified your values, and set yourself a goal – but you haven’t followed through on it. What stopped you? The F.E.A.R. acronym covers most of the common barriers:

F = Fusion (stuff your mind tells you that gets in the way when you get caught up in it)
E = Excessive goals (your goal is too big, or you lack the skills, or you lack the resources)
A = Avoidance of discomfort (unwillingness to make room for the discomfort this challenge brings)
R = Remoteness from values (losing touch with – or forgetting – what is important or meaningful about this)

So now, in as few words as possible, write down everything that has stopped you following through: (20 to 1,200 characters) *

Now go back, and label each answer with one or two of the letters F, E, A, or R – whichever best describe this barrier. In other words, was it

F = Fusion with a story (e.g. I’ll fail; it’s too hard; I’ll do it later; I’m too weak; I can’t do it); was it

E = Excessive goal (you lacked the time, money, health, facilities, skills, or support necessary; or it was just too big and you got overwhelmed); was it

A = Avoidance of discomfort (you were unwilling to make room for the anxiety, frustration, fear of failure, or other uncomfortable thoughts and feelings); or was it

R = remoteness from your values (you forgot or lost touch with the values underlying this goal)?

The antidote to F.E.A.R. is D.A.R.E.

D = Defusion
A = Acceptance of discomfort
R = Realistic goals

E = Embracing values

Go through your barriers, one by one, and work out how you can deal with them, using D.A.R.E.

Exercise 2:

Step 1:

Defusion strategies: name the story, thank your mind, acknowledge ‘Here’s reason-giving’ or ‘Here’s judging’, name the demon/monster/passenger, recognize this is Radio Doom & Gloom broadcasting, or simply let the thoughts come and go like passing cars.

Step 2:

Acceptance strategies: name the feeling, observe it like a curious scientist, rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, commit to allowing it, breathe into it, make room for it, give it a shape and colour,

Step 3:

Realistic goal-setting: if you lack skills, set goals around learning them; if your goal is too big, break it down into small chunks; if you lack resources, brainstorm how you can get them; if the goal is truly impossible, e.g. due to health or financial issues, or external barriers over which you have no direct influence, then set a different one.

Step 4:

Embracing values: connect with what matters to you about this goal. Is it truly meaningful? Is it aligned with your values? Is it truly important? Is it moving your life forward in the direction you wish to go?

Using these ideas and others of your own, and write down how you can respond to the barriers you listed below . (20 to 1,200 characters) *

Finally, ask yourself this question: am I willing to make room for the difficult thoughts and feelings that show up, without getting caught up in them or struggling with them, and take effective action, in order to do what matters, deep in my heart?
If so: go ahead and give it a go. (20 to 1,200 characters) *

If not, consider these questions:
Does this really and truly matter to you? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

If it does, then what is the cost to you of avoiding it or putting it off? (100 to 1,200 characters) *

Would you rather have the vitality-draining pain of staying stuck, or the life-enhancing pain of moving forward? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

Write about a task you succeeded at, even though you thought you would not do well beforehand. (20 to 1,200 characters) *