Excercise: Fast Friends: Develop a sense of closeness to others.

The goal of this tool is to facilitate the formation of connection and closeness between people.

You can use this practice with multiple people with whom you want to develop a deeper connection—but if their answers start to feel routine, consider making up your list of questions that become increasingly more personal.
You can use the exercise to strengthen the bond of group members who already know each other well or as a starting point for building a relationship among members of a new group.
Or use this exercise in couples therapy to enhance closeness and passionate love within a couple.

Note that a critical feature of the exercise is that the questions go from something that two people say to each other when they have just met to become gradually more personal and intimate over time.
Before commencing the exercise, it is essential to clarify that your partner or other individual are comfortable with sharing personal information. This exercise works best face to face.

Instructions:

This exercise involves getting to know someone on a deeper level. You need a partner for the exercise, and this could be someone you know well or someone you are just getting to know. Before trying it, make sure that both you and your partner are comfortable with the idea of sharing personal thoughts and feelings.
For 15 minutes, take turns asking one another the questions in Set I below. Each person should answer each question in alternating order (so that a different person responds first to each new question). After 15 minutes, move on to Set II, following the same method. After 15 minutes, spend 15 minutes on Set III.

Set I questions

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest? *

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way *

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? *

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? *

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? *

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? *

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. (3 to 100 characters) *

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? *

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? (20 to 500 characters) *

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. *

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? *

Set II questions

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? *

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? (10 to 1,200 characters) *

16. What do you value most in a friendship? *

17. What is your most treasured memory? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

18. What is your most terrible memory? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

19. If you knew that in one year you would suddenly die, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

20. What does friendship mean to you? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

22. You and your partner, alternate in describing the characteristics of the other person that you consider as positive. Both of you share five items. (20 to 1,200 characters) *

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

Set III questions

25. With your partner, make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…” (20 to 1,200 characters) *

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” (20 to 1,200 characters) *

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what the other person should know about you. (20 to 1,200 characters) *

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. (20 to 1,200 characters) *

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. (20 to 1,200 characters) *

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

31. Tell your partner something that you like about him/her [already]. (20 to 1,200 characters) *

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to make a final dash to save any one item safely. What would it be? Why? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? (20 to 1,200 characters) *

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Additionally, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. (20 to 1,200 characters) *